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Using a mediator to negotiate with your former partner
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Note: Mediation is not an alternative to legal advice. An interview with a solicitor before mediation takes place can help you to be clear about your rights and options. You may be able to get publicly-funded help with legal costs to do this.
If it is possible for you and your ex-partner to come to an agreement through mediation, it is likely to be quicker and less expensive than negotiation between solicitors, or for the dispute to be taken to the courts when barrister's fees and other costs may also have to be paid.
Reaching agreements through mediation may also help to reduce hostility between you and your ex-partner and help you to refocus more positively on your relationship as parents.
What is mediation?
This means helping people who are in dispute to exchange information and resolve their differences. An impartial mediator can help you to reach decisions about children, or finances, or both. The mediator will not take sides or tell you what to agree to - they will encourage you both to be open and honest, explore the different options and reach your own informed decisions. You can use mediation even if you have already started court proceedings.
Who is mediation suitable for?
Mediation depends on two people voluntarily wanting to reach an agreement even though they may hold quite different viewpoints at the start of the process.
In some cases, it will be clear that mediation will not be appropriate. This may be because there is a fear of violence, your ex-partner will not participate or because one of you wouldn't be able to attend the meetings because of where you live or because you have a disability. If mediation is not suitable see Using a solicitor to negotiate with your former partner below.
Note: If you are applying for publicly funded help with legal costs for your solicitor to negotiate on your behalf or represent you in court proceedings, you have to attend an initial meeting to assess whether mediation is suitable unless your application for funding is to do with domestic violence, preventing your ex-partner from disposing of property or if you need emergency representation.
What happens at the end of mediation?
If you are able to come to agreement through mediation it will be put into writing and you will be advised to take the agreement to your solicitor to check that it is fair and reasonable and is in line with the sort of outcome that a court would order. The court can make the agreement into an order, see How can I make an agreement legally binding?. This will normally only cover the parts of the agreement to do with finances rather than the arrangements to do with the children.
What does mediation cost?
Your solicitor or the mediation service you are using will be able to advise you if you are entitled to publicly-funded mediation, which is free.
There are no hard-and-fast rules as to how many mediation sessions a couple need in order to reach an agreement but between three to five is about average, although more or less may be needed. The cost of mediation is likely to vary, and it is very important that you are properly informed about the rates that mediators charge per session. It is also important that you agree in advance how you are to pay for the mediation.
How to find a mediator
If you are applying for help with legal costs, the mediator must have a contract with the Community Legal Service (CLS). Call CLS Direct on 0845 345 4345 or see www.clsdirect.org.uk for details of mediators in your area. The UK College f Family Mediators has a directory of accredited mediators, all 0117 904 7223 or visit www.ukcfm.co.uk.
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