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Any advice welcome
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Posted by: Jenb. Reply: Moderator.
Jenb: Dear All, I have just logged in and I am ashamed that the last time I logged in and replied to a message was when my daughter (who has Down's syndrome) was 2 and a half, she is now 4. At that time my then partner had just announced that he wanted us out of his life. Since then I have been trying to extricate ourselves from him, still to no avail. We jointly own the property that we both live in and he although he initially claimed he wanted us to leave, has made it almost impossible for us to do so. He has made our lives hell for the last year and a half, by his constant verbal abuse and physical threats to me and his lack of parenting to her. He pays the mortgage (which is very small) and contributes nothing else to her upkeep at all. He at first refused to put the house on the market and I then had to drag him to see the bank manager to prove to him that he couldn't afford to buy me out. The house did go on the market 10 months ago and he did nothing to assist with the process. I agreed with him that I would split the proceeds 50/50 in order to hopefully get him to be agreeable. The house has had 2 lots of buyers pull out at the last minute (the last on the day of exchage) for no apparent reason it seems and I am stuck under the same roof as him still! He refuses to rent the house out, and now is saying that he will not agree to sell the house for any less than the last buyers were due to buy at. The current climate is obviously going to dictate that buyers will only want to put low offers in, so that will make things almost impossible. I have been assessed for legal assistance and don't qualify apparently as I have too much equity in the house. If I claimed income support I would qualify, but as long as I am under the same roof as him I don't qualify for that either. It seems that Carer's Allowance doesn't qualify you for legal aid. I have identified the area of the country that I want to move to and have explored all of the options for my daughter's education, but none of this is going to be possible unless I can get there, and I can't without my equity being released from my house. I feel so trapped, unhappy and alone. I have even called a womens refuge, who have told me that given that I haven't got any proof of his violent threats that I wouldn't be prioritised for being housed by them. I have also been told that if I choose to make myself homeless in the area of the country that I want to relocate to (as far away from him as possible), then the local council there would have no obligation to house me at all. Even if I could afford to rent somewhere, which I can't, I wouldn't receive any help with rent either. I am desperate and cannot see a way out of this. He is an alcoholic who basically never accepted his daughter's condition, although he presents himself to the outside world as the caring father. He has never been to any of her medical appts or made any contribution to her statementing/education process either. He is now quite clearly compromising her education by refusing to let her and me move on - she is due to start school in Sep. I am so tired of fighting the red tape. Some friends have suggested to me that I would be able to get him to move out and for him to carry on paying half the mortgage, well the problem with that would be that he would probably just refuse to pay and I would still be living in the same area as him. That would be impossible for me to bear given his alcoholism and abusive behaviour. Have any of you been in simiar situations to this and has anybody got anything to suggest in terms of free legal advice on this? When I was assessed for legal aid, the solicitor didn't charge me for her time but did say that she was appalled that this is a common problem apparently and that my only alternative was to sue him myself in court, in order to force a sale, which she didn't think that would be advisable, as he would be able to afford legal representation. No doubt I wouldn't stand a chance against a solicitor. Any advice is welcome, thanks.
Moderator: Hi Jenb, thank you for your post. Living with an ex-partner or spouse does not necessarily mean you cannot claim benefits and tax credits as a lone parent. You can be treated as a lone parent if you can show you maintain separate households, even though you are both living under the same roof. I strongly advise you to call the Lone Parent Helpline on 0800 018 5026 to discuss your situation with an expert adviser who can tell you more about this. When you call, please mention that you are caring for a disabled child and if an adviser is not available straight away, they will call you back.
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